I'm also pissed about coworkers/locals/people in general in a political fashion; how obsessed they are with celebrities' weight and idle gossip yet oblivious to the NSA scandal/Snowden revelations. How sad is it that Snowden, Greenwald etc. have put everything on the line for most people to respond with a massive yawn and go back to watching Bieber act like a twat? It's fucking pathetic and I find myself super disgusted at people's total lack of giving a shit about anything.

I feel like this world is totally fucked when people are proud to declare how stupid they are and how much reality TV they watch.

Current Mood: cynical cynical

So the book career continues along at a steady pace. My newest release, Written In The Snow is out now and I'm very happy with it. I released it over Thanksgiving and with heavy discounts on my catalog I had decent sales numbers that weekend.

Not a lot, but it's something. With each year and each new release I gain visibility. I have a manuscript sitting at a top publisher in my genre waiting to be read, and I keep writing whenever I have the time. I totally flunked NaNo this year, but November was such a busy month that I didn't get the time I wanted. Still, I have 20k towards a novella that I will finish at my own pace.

Also: I was in the USA Today. Kind of. Their website has a column that reports on new romance releases and Written In The Snow was on that list. It didn't sell me any books but it did make me feel happy and confident that someone cares about my work: http://www.usatoday.com/story/happyeverafter/2013/12/06/erotic-romance-erotica-new-releases/3888369/

In other news I've been playing Persona 3, I'm at the end? boss now. Seems like such a fitting game this year with all the death that's been around. It's made me think about a lot of things. I finished Shining Force 3 earlier this year too. So it's been a decent gaming year as well.

I've been well mentally this year, despite the challenges of losing a friend. I've been maintaining a good work-life balance and things seem to finally be working out for me. The house definitely helps with my mental state, I finally have a place to live that's not a source of constant stress and I feel safe. Which is awesome. The lawsuit is almost paid up too so in January I can forget about that stupid old apartment and its asshole landlord! I no longer dwell on the past like I used to. I feel like there's only time for the present and future now. I can sense the reaper at my back and it pushes me forward by reminding me that my existence is limited.

Things are finally looking up. I have a beautiful Xmas tree in my living room. I have a dozen ideas in my head.

Most importantly, I have hope. I have purpose.

It's about time.

Current Mood: hopeful hopeful

On Sunday I found out that Terry Mathews, also known as mountain_hiker, took his own life after a long struggle with depression.

Thinking about him sitting alone on that final night makes me sad. He sent a text to friends saying he couldn't take this world any longer. He and I were both atheists. It's hard to understand that he chose nonexistence, the eternal darkness over another day in this world. Things must have been a lot bleaker for him than I realized.

Suicide is so tough to cope with. Wondering if there was anything I could have said or done to make the outcome any different or whether his death was a foregone conclusion, a sad end to a soul mired in growing hopelessness. I was not as close to him as many others. I'm sure there's not much that could have been said or done by anybody. In the end he made his own choice. I only hope it wasn't painful.

I was talking with Terry on this very journal on the 10th. He committed suicide overnight on the 12th. He seemed fine in the comments, we talked about Shining Force 3, which we were both playing the fan translation of.

I guess he'll never finish the translated version now. It's up to me to save Aspia.

We were not always on great terms, especially in the private chatroom Cyborg Central where we first met 12 years ago. There were times when he lived up to his original username, Ass. I remember when I first started dating Jason, how he sent me a private message saying it was a mistake and relationships only lead to heartbreak. He was rather jaded at times, and burned a lot of bridges with people.

When he came to LJ, I followed him even after a lot of our friends dropped off and went to Facebook. He could be kind, especially in the latter days, when he posted many supportive comments on this journal. He was a staunch supporter of gay rights and abortion rights. He was one of the last active members on my friends list, where he posted a lot of funny things that made me chuckle. Now my friends list is extremely quiet.

He loved the mountains, and seemed to find a whole new life with his friends on the Colorado peaks. He mourned the ones who fell in terrible accidents. In absence of a relationship with his family, he made a new family with his brothers on the mountain. His ashes are going to be scattered there, which is fitting.

Ironically, I told our Cyborg Central friends of his death on Facebook, which he hated with a passion. We have all come together in a new chatroom of sorts. So thanks Terry for bringing us back together, but I wish it was in different circumstances.

Current Mood: sad sad
Current Music: Simon and Garfunkel - The Sound Of Silence

Originally posted by mountain_hiker at Some days I feel like this

Here's a book trailer for my new novel RAINY DAYS. Enjoy!

Have a great day! Update soon, I promise!

Current Mood: content content

I'm working on a new novel and feeling pretty good about it. My Culture Wars universe is rapidly expanding to the extent that I have notes plastered on my wall with Scotch tape so I can keep the canon in order.

We went to see Dark Knight Rises on Sunday. Lots of nervousness in the theater. Certainly one scene felt a little too real because of the shooting, but in the end, one has to be defiant against nutcases or nothing would ever get done in this world. Theaters don't deserve to lose out because of the actions of one moody man who failed an exam and took it out on everyone else.

The movie itself left something to be desired, however. It was good, as in not terrible and mostly entertaining, but there were some horrible handwaves that ignored logic and sense. The ending was just plain awful. It was such a cliche that I literally sat there and rolled my eyes.

I could rant about guns and healthcare but I'd rather be working on my book, the truth is I'll always be British in my thinking and no amount of years is going to break the culture shock of legal guns and medicine as a financial transaction. One point I will give to you Americans is that you do have the most wonderful food that I would truly miss if I went back. Some days I really feel the homesickness, though I understand I would miss this place too. The life of an exile is never easy. I'd to combine the best parts of America with the best parts of England and make an uber-country, but that's not going to happen.
I'm starting a professional blog for my writing career. Articles will be more in-depth and better quality than the stuff I post here, which has been and always shall be my personal blog.

I invite you to check out my first entry, which is about the destruction of books, education and the derision of intelligence and knowledge in general: Every Idea Is A Dream.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and I'm done with regret, I'm done with living backwards. I have this great future ahead of me and I'm very excited about it. The future isn't coming overnight, it will take years of writing, promoting and hard work but I'm dedicated and I'm not giving up.

I don't believe in destiny but if I had one, writing would be it. I've heard my calling and I'm on my way.
There are a million small tragedies each day, and it always shocks me how easily we go on. How the flow of life continues uninterrupted as people die, lose their homes, lose friends and family to death and destruction.

I remember when I was maybe seventeen or so, when a woman jumped from the mall where I worked to her death. I remember hearing it on the mall security radio as oblivious shoppers clamored to buy video games and make returns. All I could think about was that woman so wrapped up in grief that she had ended her life in such a violent and horrendous way. I've never forgotten it. I never will. It's a reminder of the futility of life and death, the way a soul can scream in the purest agony and no man hears, so wrapped up is he in his own little world.

The world can't stop for every tragedy, every car accident or suicide or nothing would ever get done, yet there's a part of me that is still amazed that a city can stand on the edge of flames and yet its citizens still have to show up for court hearings. That the most mundane of things continue in the face of death. Is it a ritual against the darkness, a thing to spite Death itself that we stubbornly persist? Or are we simply ants, waiting for that inevitable moment we are crushed, walking in circles because we know nothing else but that?

I don't know, I just can't ignore all that suffering. It doesn't sit right with me.

Current Mood: melancholy melancholy

In case anybody's still on the fence about buying my book, I made a book trailer.

Written In The Stars is now available at the CreateSpace store!

Amazon will be selling it in a few days, and a Kindle version is in the works. Check back for updates!
Synthesis Landale
User: landale
Name: Synthesis Landale
Website: Infinite Love
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Title image and Colette icon images copyright KOSUKE FUJISHIMA.